Day 6 - Day 11 Day Overwhelming

According to Wikipedia, Procrastination is the following;
Procrastination refers to the counterproductive deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite such behavior as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.^[1] Schraw, Wadkins, and Olafson have proposed three criteria for a behavior to be classified as procrastination: it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying.<sup>[2]

I always thought that procrastination was just avoiding something you know needs to be done. I think feeling guilt over not getting everything done in a single day could be unwarranted.  It's about knowing your priorities and setting (key word coming), REALISTIC goals. So how do we do that....or learn to do that easily?
Here are some tips I found on the internet and some of my own;
1.) Most websites will say start small and work your way up. In other words if you want to be a Gold Medalist and have never been in any sports your whole life, this is considered an unrealistic goal and you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. You can start small by getting involved in some sort of sport and finding what appeals to you. Go from there.
2.) Create a time -line and dates for small achievable goals to be completed to build confidence.
3.) Make sure your goals are for you and your priorities based off of what you want for your life. These goals have to be for you! They cannot come from pressure from others to be something other than what you truly are. Obviously goals to help your family are great, but they have to be because that is what you want to do.
4.) Solveyourproblem.com says to make sure to "motivate" yourself. Find ways to motivate yourself when going for a goal. The goal itself should be motivating. 
5.) Get specific with your goals. 
6.) Have a few goals at a time, rather than too many which can cause overload. It's important to know your priorities. 
What do you do to achieve your goals?
Any good stories you want to share on my blog?</sup>

Day 5 Oct. 7 - Hope

It's time to re-invent and re-vamp the old self and come in with the revitalized self you love! You're still you even if your bogged down by stress, possibly extra weight, guilt, anger...whatever angst...it's time to learn how to handle life again! If you're like me it seems like there isn't enough time, but the truth is there really is time for you. There is time for you to be happy and successful. In a way as I write this I am empowering myself and repeating this self-help advice to myself in my head. Sometimes you have to empower yourself to make the necessary changes to be happy.
 They say that working out can be addictive, keep you happy, increase your confidence, keep you healthy, and is a must as a human being. The key is to find something fun that allows you to stay in shape and keep at it. I am seeking to find my happy, fulfilling workout. How about you what do you like to do to keep in shape? Your suggestions are helpful to others!

Absolutely yum quick snack

What You'll Need;
2 Trader Joe's Lightly Salted Rice Cakes (or any thick low cal rice cakes)
1 Can of Tuna in water
Fresh Ground Pepper
Lemon Pepper

How to Make It;
1.) Prepare tuna salad in bowl, add any ingredients you want but I just used a shake or two of lemon pepper and ground up pepper into the mix. Season to taste you know? Then mix ingredients together
2.) Spread on one rice cake, and cover with the other like a sandwich.

Then I had a bottle of water with it. :)

Day 4 Recovery

Portion control...we hear that and we think possibly, "I can't eat very much."
But I notice it's not only what, but when we eat.
One of the biggest pitfalls of dieting is binging, typically brought on by deprivation. However you may be dealing with these too...
1. Eating Late night (A former professional trainer advised me to not eat anything 5 hours before you go to bed if you can help it)
2. Emotional Eating
3. Eating when your bored
4. Not understanding portion sizes
5. Starvation rather than moderation
6. Your body may be full of junk if your going Vegan and you may need a cleanse.
(I will get into cleanses on another post...there's so much hype..you have to know what and why your trying to cleanse)

Regarding emotional eating, you may be addicted to sugar because it creates a dopamine release in the brain. Yes! Sugar can be chemically addictive similarly to the effects of heroine. Amazing. Caffeine, salt and other chemically engineered types of foods/additives like high fructose corn syrup have all had scientific studies showing a link with addiction.
I noticed that when I'm on the go I may not have a lot of time and I naturally loose weight. However, being home and "kickin it", being idle, may cause you to eat out of boredom. Let's not forget that America is one of the few countries (besides France) that has passionate love affairs with rich foods.
A workout fiend hottie at my work gave me a great tip for all you late night workers like me btw. He said he lives on Tuna. Now I'm vegan yes, but I'm actually what a true Vegan would call Pescatarian, which means I still eat fish. If your strict, he suggested having celery, BUT with mustard and maybe a little Topatio.
2 reasons, the heat from the hot sauce will cause you to burn calories and the celery and mustard is pretty much 0 calories. For me, I did a can of tuna last night with vegan mayonnaise, lemon, and pepper. It was delish! I only ate until I was satisfied and drank a TON OF WATER with it.

Day 3 Denial

I was denied for a job I was excited about recently, and hired for one unexpectedly. Life seems jumbled.

With so much stress regarding our economy, jobs, and security as we know it, working out seems like the last thing on our minds.

I read in 24 Hour Fitness Magazine that if you go to the gym "5 times a week, you will see results." So why do we not go?
Maybe many reasons, but mostly those reasons ring similarly in my ears like excuses.
Lack of knowledge...my bad..fixable with effort and time
Lack of time...it's not hard to schedule 20 minutes somewhere in the course of the day.
It's not fun....the trainer at the gym told me that until I find a way to make it fun, or find a fun way to work out it will delay my results.

If you really want something you take the good with the bad. If you really want something you find a way. It's true.

Day 2 of Vegan Challenge

Starting weight 175

Saw the movie Social Network. It got me thinking...We all have a gift. We might be good at several things, but there is one thing by which we are truly gifted. Mark Zucherburg's was programming. Mine is singing. How we choose to integrate that gift into our daily lives defines our existence while we are here, on earth. What a great honor we can do ourselves, the universe, God, whatever you believe in, if we choose to homage that gift and give our lives to its realization.

Vegan Ceasar and Vegan Pizza

Easy, not too hard to make, delicious meal.
You don't have to be vegan to enjoy this either. It's just an extremely, healthy way to enjoy these two favorite dishes!

Vegan Pizza
Ingredients;
1 bag of Trader Joes whole wheat pizza dough - follow instructions
( I imagine you can easily make your own dough if you want but this is very quick)
2-3 handfuls of flour (To form the shape of the pizza)
1 Jar of Trader Joe's Tomato sauce (unbelievable delish and quick! plus its 100% safe for vegans)
1/3 Vegan Gourmet Mozzarella Cheese Alternative
1/2 Vegan Gourmet Monterey Jack Cheese Alternative

ANY Toppings you want!
I used
1 half a red onion
1 whole yellow onion
Fresh mushrooms
Fresh organic Broccoli florets
3 cloves (small part of the garlic) of fresh Garlic
3 small Japanese Eggplants (if your using traditional eggplant I would say maybe less than half would be equal to what I used)
1 small yellow squash
They look like this....



Directions;
1) Follow directions for dough on package; let dough stand for 20 minutes. While slicing your fresh veggies.
2) Blanch Vegetables. Use Soup Pot or just large pot to boil water on high for ten minutes. Reduce heat to med and blanch veggies. Wait until vegetables are about a little more then half done. Strain and prepare to use as a topping later.
3) To form pizza use large surface that you've lightly floured..although I had to use two to three handfuls minimum. Use rolling pin to stretch and form by hand into round shape.
4) Lightly sauce pizza, not too much! Enough to cover the pizza until the middle portion is pretty much sauced and red.
5) Place toppings and grate cheese.
6) Hopefully you were clever and pre-heated your oven like the dough package said to 450 Degrees on Bake.
7) My pizza took about 20 minutes.

This is a great dish to make Sunday night and eat it for Monday and Tuesday. You can easily heat it up! You get to have pizza whenever you want!

Easy Vegan Caesar Salad w/ BEETS....mmmmmm
Omega Vegan Caesar Dressing
Romaine Lettuce
Sauteed Beets
Fresh Ground Pepper
Fresh Grated Vegan Gourmet Mozzarella Cheese Alternative

1) prepare beets. I peeled mine and then sliced. BTW these suckers are messy! DO NOT WEAR WHITE ha ha. Cut into cubes.
2) Saute for about ten minutes covered! Very important to cover or you will be there all day! Your essentially steaming so you can add a tiny bit of water if you want.
3) Let cool after straining. Maybe throw them in the fridge while you prepare your lettuce.
4) Slice fresh Romaine lettuce
5) Lightly pepper lettuce in large bowl
6) Add beets, light dressing, and grate mozzarella over top and ..TOSS.

To me, the dressing is like a Caesar with honey mustard. It's an interesting take on it. The beets give it something extra, like color. lol.

5 Solutions to Thrive Under Stress - Prevention.com

I think it's interesting how every article I read lately about happiness, stress or weight all mentions the big E...duh you have to exercise...I think us, Americans, think "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, tell us something we don't know", but do we do it? Do we exercise? Are you like me? You have a gym membership but lucky if you go there more than 2 times a month? Weight-loss...being the weight you want is about a lifestyle change...and this is an interesting article that may fuel your inspiration to seek gym type activity :)
see below link....

5 Solutions to Thrive Under Stress - Prevention.com

Oct. 3rd Day One- Realistic Goals = Success

I recently went back to eating mostly vegan. Meaning, I don't eat hardly any dairy or dairy product. So being Italian..all the soft, creamy texture I know is being re-vamped and re-understood in different ways.
For the next 1 month I will challenge myself to be 100% vegan (with the exception of fish)
30 days and the countdown begins right ...now.

My inspiration?
Read this book and you"ll never want to touch another animal product..and it's not just because dairy makes you fat!

Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. They're whole series is dedicated to educating and helping people like us who have battled their weight.

A New Challenge?

Saw Super Size me tonight. WOW! Have you seen it?
I'm thinking about doing my own extreme 30 day challenge....

Day 160 has passed and the challenge isn't over!

Today is actually day 161, the challenge is over. I have not reached all my goals, but have learned a lot about myself in the process. Will there be a follow up challenge? Most likely, and most likely more focused.

Day 155 - the end is near

The 160 day challenge has done a few things for me even though I have not hit my goals. It has made me more aware. It has held me accountable. It has taught me some new things. It has also turned me on to the fact that I can see my patterns right here. Meaning, I have had a chance to see what is holding me back and what makes me move forward. In times of struggle, I shine.
I was laid off of my somewhat new serving job, although after a conversation with the manager yesterday, it was more than lack of hours. The waitress staff were never very nice to me anyway. I don't know why, but they just never warmed up to me. It's weird to have the manager say I think your a great server, I'll write you a recommendation letter yet they would say your not a good fit. Go figure. In the end, we were slow. Very slow and someone else walked in with better availability.
I will try again for un-employment. I know how difficult it could be looking for work. I'm head'd for Berkeley for a serving job now.

Day 146 - back from the Chi

Chicago was a unique growing opportunity, in the sense that it was enough time to reflect on the choices I have made this past year. I feel more confident in the things I am doing and I am working towards my dream of a career in the entertainment industry. As the challenge is rounding third base, I have gained knowledge but not lost much weight. I plan to reinstate my goals and work a little bit at a time towards them.

Day 134 - Smaller Goals, Bigger results

10 pound weight loss goal by end of month. Pushing towards the end of the challenge and must accomplish something, I think!

Day 131 - Reluctance

One week to Chicago trip. Lots of exciting things in store for me and my band, and I have some fabulous prospects. I am becoming great at getting up earlier and balancing. Its a combination of determination and knowing when to lose sleep/catch up on it, kind of balance. Above is the next show, but more to come. I am doing a lot of foot work to plan and promote us, as well as secure us shows. I have three lined up, pending negotiations. I am very excited to have Crystal on board as promotions manager! Wow, that will relieve a lot of stress! She sees my guys for what they are, with their strengths and weaknesses. I think she can really help LV.
On another note,I have been drinking water like a fiend and noticing a slight weight loss due to it.

Day hmmmmm need to check

We did a show at Hot Topic in Sun Valley Mall yesterday. It was a long day because we also went to the studio in the morning. It's great to spend a day doing what you love, go home exhausted because your working hard at something your passionate about. It's funny what you can accomplish when your excited. If I'm excited I can push myself. Perhaps maturity helps that as well, because this morning instead of going to my internship at Yonas Media it would have been much easier to say, oh man, I'm going to sleep in. I am very tired, and technically I'm doing a double today, but somehow I'm okay with that. I'm more than okay with that. I love taking Bart in the morning. I have no idea why its therapeutic. Maybe its soothing because I don't feel like I'm wasting any time driving, because the whole trip I'm immersed in thought.

Day 122 - "Didn't you say something about a trainer?

My boyfriend mentioned that I was thinking about getting a trainer on board with my weight loss challenge when I complained last night about feeling helpless. I've been busy and feel overwhelmed. Truthfully though, I can handle it I just need a bit more organization. I have been waking up super late again. Not sure why, maybe because I'm woken up two or three times before I want to actually get up. I'm also going to be later on my days off. I wait for my boyfriend to get off, we end up eating, and I'm awake two-three hours later then I need to be. I think the other reason for my sleeping schedule being so off is last week. I was so upset over the situation between my man and I. I stayed up obscene hours and slept in, as if very depressed. We talked, it's better, but its all a part of journey I don't have patience for. Oh well, I'll figure it out.
On top of all that I'm managing a band that I feel has one hard working member. I've been having strange nightmares about every aspect of my to do list. I wake up not so stressed though, just concerned. Strange.
Recording Arts Final tonight! I'm almost done with the semester. What a relief to have a break.

Day 120 - Been working out but

I have been working out here and there. Mostly resting this weekend even though I have said to myself yesterday and today I would go down to the gym. It felt good to relax! I read somewhere that if I wanted to be ambitious about my weight loss I need to do 45 minutes to an hour of cardio 5 days a week. Now I can do two or three no problem and feel good about it, but five? That's a big commitment of time considering how much stuff I got going on. If I was dancing the other two days that would make it easier. I could dance for hours when I used to work at the club and not even realize it. Maybe that's how I kept a slimmer figure. I was crazy though, working all day, then all night at the restaurant, then drive out to SF to dance/promo till 2 or 3 am.

Crystal - a diamond in the rough- Day 117

Met with the owner of the startup company called DreamCatcher Promotions inc. It was an exciting meeting. She could help take off the stress regarding promoting events and help my band move forward! I'm looking forward to throwing the next rock party event with her and helping each other meet some ambitious goals. I like planning shows.

Day 114 - slow times

Work is slow and bills are due. As I close on this first 160 day challenge, I have made some progress but there is much to come. Change comes first with attitude, then actions, and consistency. I am starting to lose the excess I gained when I started to date Shay, but all is not perfect. The most exciting thing coming up? I am going to Chicago for the first time, a place I have always wanted to go. I'm going with my aunt's to a blues/jazz festival and staying with one of my very best friends/ex-boyfriends. That last part should prove interesting. Hmmmm....the picture is of me, my aunt, and cousin Charles last year in New Orleans.

Day 111 - Friend noticed weight loss

I was doing my karaoke show the other night and a friend said he noticed me losing weight. I thought, how funny I haven't been working out nearly as much as I should. I am busier and more active though. I also have started eating more consciously and I'm not eating out as much as usual. He said I've lost at least 4 pounds since I started working the show a month and half ago. Nice.

Day 110

Working on more shows with C U Next Weekend, the dopest local hip-hop/rock group ever!

Day 108 - Monday feels like Saturday to me today

I worked out before my whole crazy day of running the Mother's Day Rock Party and I felt good about. I am sore and exhausted today though, but I still feel mentally positive. I would have to say that since I got up so early, I normally would have been irritable but the endorphins from the day and the work out may have subsided any negativity.

Day 105 - day before self-produced Mother's Day show

Day 92 - backpeddling

I no longer need to complain about the strain of three jobs, three bands, and school. I'm no longer in the Bernacki Illusion, that was short lived. My schedule was too demanding. I'm going to school this summer on a very limited basis and working at Shiro is very relaxed. I do really like working there. I just feel by losing an opportunity to work with the additional band I might be backpeddling.
Many of the goals of this challenge have only been superficially achieved so far. Playing music and becoming more serious about the aspect of my career is one of them.

New internship with a production company

I am adding to my plate, but I think it will be most beneficial. I'm starting an internship with a production company in Oakland. The opportunity will teach me how to become better at developing a musical group or groups and what it takes to run a production business. I will learn valuable marketing techniques and more about viral marketing. Internet marketing has been a challenge because there are so many great websites that offer promise. Finding effective methods for marketing online will help my band alot.
Today I met with a student at LMC the head of our music department recommended for potential manager for Last Valhalla. Although she is clever and kind, as we talked I wondered if at this point I should just take responsibility for managing the band myself. As I already handle most of the responsibilities regarding the band's business affairs, it would make the most sense. I really need someone more savvy then me to take over management however.

dont even know what day i'm on anymore

So busy! I can't even keep up with this blog lately. I need to get to the gym and seek out a personal trainer to advance in this challenge. Lots of exciting developments regarding my career though.

Day 76 - saturday blues

I'm so tired! Why?? I think I am stressed, stretched to thin for my level of procrastination and perfectionism. So many questions, switch the show from Mother's Day to May 3rd, when to squeeze in all these projects, how much money do I need to re-build my savings? It's going to take some super diva planning.
I was reading a book in Barnes and Noble tonight from The Biggest Loser show and I realized I have no idea how to be healthy. I mean I know about nutrition, but actually following through well that's a lifestyle not a diet. Its very hard when your boyfriend gets to eat whatever he wants isn't it?

More pics from photo shoot

Day 75 - this weeks re cap

I'm so sore from just running around the block! Last night was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend, and although I didn't run again, we went bowling. Bowling is good exercise too. You don't really notice your exercising until you break a sweat when bowling.
Its very possible that going to the gym isn't necessary. You may get a bomb workout around your home, running around the block, investing in some weights. I will find out.
I've started taking up running because a girlfriend looks so great! I asked my boyfriend how are mutual friend has managed to lose so much weight! He said that she was an avid runner. I think my asthma is actually getting better with more activity. Although it hurts my chest to run, I think with time and getting more into shape that pain will ease.
Oh check it out too, I put one of our pics from the photoshoot up ...watcha think??

day 70 - sleepy easter

Have you ever noticed that it always rains on Easter? Maybe its just a Cali thing.
The agenda today is to catch up on homework, study the menu for my new job, work out and see my mom. The waking up working out thing is a hard habit to get into. I am noticing a little difference in my waistline. It can be frustrating not seeing immediate results as workouts can be hard and you never really want to do it. Once your start though, its fine.

Day 67 - update on success of the challenge

1. I've lost two pounds (not great, will review and become more committed to working out)
2. Now have three jobs, just got hired at a restaurant! Finally! (didn't want to do it but I need the cash.) In pursuit of fourth job- paper route to rebuild my savings after draining it since I lost my job
3. In process of looking for a manager, bout to beef up our shows and take Last Valhalla to another level
4. Joined a new cover band guaranteeing work as a vocalist for me.
5. Last Valhalla is forming a second band for weddings etc by making a cover band
6. Putting together my own show at The Mutiny as a promoter!

Day 65 Tuesday and drama

So band rehearsal was canceled today on account of drama. I don't really need to get to much into details, just people being immature mostly. Its frustrating because I'm trying to somewhat build my life around a band of people that can barley make it to shows, let alone help with all the other little things that go into making a band successful. Well, I shouldn't say little, because they all add up to a lot of things that make a band successful. Its really all about promotion.
I got a call for an interview for a job. I was excited until I though, wait only night shifts, when am I going to work? I have the karaoke job Tuesday and Wednesday, Monday night class, Thursday is with Shay. That leaves weekends I can work, but the weekends were supposed to be reserved for the band. This is crazy.

Day 64 - wake up-work out

The plan today; wake up and work out. I find that its super hard for me to work out as soon as I wake up. I have been steadily learning how to get my body to wake up earlier though. I figure when I get used to be up early then It will be easier to get a work out in. I have decided that dancing around my room for an hour, perspiring at a intense rate, equals a work out and will count that on my chart.

day 63 - discombobulated

This past week I was almost guaranteed two jobs and turned them down. One was to help my drummers mom care for the elderly and the other was at a friend's bank as a teller. Both positions are what people would consider well paid. Am I being to picky now in hard times? Perhaps. A job is job someone would tell me, but my heart would say, no, that's not right. I've worked at jobs my heart wasn't in and everyone suffered. I don't want to have another Cheesecake Factory experience, a year of hard work with no reward. I mean I got to pay my bills and eat out all the time, that's kind of a reward.
Midterms and tons of homework due this coming week. I am, as usual, overwhelmed. Also, I am late to go meet my mother. Just know my faithful readers that I'm not going down without a fight.
As far as fitness, I am far from it lately. I have succeeded in not eating as much, or as much crap, but that's hardly going to get me to my goal weight. I don't care what any magazine says, its hard to become fit because its a lifestyle change. I do believe getting up earlier may be a success secret. I don't like it, but its true in my opinion. I read somewhere the other day that people who eat breakfast have a healthier weight. You have to be up in the morning to have breakfast. If your going to be eating small meals all day, better start early...

Day 62 - Battle of the Bands

Day 56 and 57 - Pulling something out of nothing

Me and my girlfriend went princessing. We pulled money out of thin air. Well sort of. We went and did face painting and balloons at the carnival where my band did the photo shoot the other day. We would have made bank, but they made us move from our money spot. The carnival security was like, your taking our money and oh, like, its a insurance risk. Blah, blah, blah.
Anywho. I have all this little gigs coming up. MAMA needs cashola, or at least a steady stream of income. Come on! Employers give this girl a call, so I can get back to enjoying what I love.
I have not been to the gym today, but I went for a walk. I wish I could walk to school more often. It was nice.

Day 55 - photo shoot

We are all very excited to see how the carnival Last Valhalla pictures will look! It was a fun shoot. We have a show next Saturday that's a big deal, studio time coming up, and festivals to book for in the summer. I'm going to be busy this week. My mind is in a million directions, but I can't shake the fear of not having steady income. Soon it will be April and I don't have regular work yet. Honestly it wouldn't be hard to make $500.00 a week doing odd jobs, my normal pay from Cheesecake, but it would be stressful. I'm trying to wrap my mind around all of the possible ways I could earn at least enough a month to cover my bills and do music more than I did while working at Cheesecake Factory. I just feel overwhelmed. I can't do much about it tonight though.
You would think that because I got to work today for Magic Princess, my first gig in three months, I would be more excited. I think I'm down because I know I can't rely on MP to help me earn regular income. I miss my old schedule of working like crazy on the weekends and doing school during the week. However with that kind of schedule I couldn't perform with my band as much as I would like. Its a hard balance. I think the goal is to find a restaurant I can work at 2-3 nights/days a week that will let me make a couple hundred bucks and pursue music on weekend nights.

Day 54 - Trading vocals for guitar

I have a new friend that is taking vocal lessons from me. In exchange for dollars, he is giving me guitar lessons. I'm excited, but I don't own a guitar yet. Maybe Chase or Aaron from my band will let me practice on their smoke breaks at practice. I will have to find a way to practice. I'm stoked. I need more students.
We did a partial photo shoot for Last Valhalla at the carnival in the mall parking lot today. My friend Stacy Kaiser is doing kick butt photography for us. We are so excited about it! Tomorrow we will finish the pictures and my band will have some REAL pictures. Not that are pics from the shows aren't fly, but we don't have a really clear, professional shot of us yet. I think the carnival setting is so, "us".
After I went with Stace to the Cheesecake Factory. I haven't been there since I lost my job. It was weird, but good for me. I was only mildly uncomfortable, plus I know everybody and love everybody. Everybody loves me. It was partially like a re-union. I'm not sad I left, but envious of those with a job.
I finally got some work from my second job gigging as a children's entertainer! It's been three months and tomorrow I have a gig! Things are slowly turning around for everyone in this country I think. Its only a matter of time.
Learning guitar is a lot like learning to work out. You should have a coach and commit time to working at it every week.

Day 52 and 53 bumped up together.

I'm discovering that if you want to do anything consistently, not only do you have to plan to do it but plan for it. Its too easy to get up and get busy with your regular to do and bypass something new that isn't exactly fun like working out. If your not used to going to the gym, its essential that you make time for it until its as much a part of your day as brushing your teeth before y you leave the house. Part of my challenge has been to get up earlier. Now, I realize that getting up earlier will allow me to go to the gym right away. For the duration of this challenge so far, I have not wanted to wake up and go to the gym. I am an extremely grumpy person when I first wake up and it takes me a while to get acclimated to being out of bed. I have always loved sleep. Always. I have to find a good balance for me that still satisfies my sleep appetite. Every person has this challenge when they first start working out, whether it be that they love eating too many sweets and have to find a way to curb it or sleeping in and avoid the gym. I happen to have a few things that are conflicting with my goal. I find when I work out though, I'm more apt to want healthier foods. I also read somewhere that because we burn calories when we eat, that at times when our body is actually craving exercise it will tell you to go chew but we hear the message as Macaroni and Cheese at midnight. Sometimes our bodies are tired and we had too much sugar or caffeine earlier in the day so our brains our energized and we avoid sleep. Then the cravings for more sugar and caffeine happen to re-energize a tired body. Its a vicious circle. I think its hard especially for entertainers, restaurant people, and anyone else that works in the late night industry because our internal clocks are all whacked out. When your used to going to be bed at 3 or 4 am, than getting up at 10 am seems early. Any who, I am set on getting to bed by midnight when possible and getting up no later than 10:30 am. I will be more apt to getting in a work out earlier and not missing out because of my daily to do.

Day 51 - Tuesday Realism

I continue my hunt for work. I realize that ALOT of people want jobs, and they will take any job. I may be running a karaoke rig part-time, I may get back into "Princess-ing" as a children's entertainer, or maybe work as a server in a fine dining environment. Its hard to tell with all the interviews I've been going to. I'm just trying to make it happen. You know, I'm just trying to secure enough income to pay bills. This time though, I'm not going to get caught up on the money. This time I'm really going to make music my second job, earning me money for my hard work.

Day 50- Came and Went

That work out yesterday about killed me. Not really. It had been just too long since I had been in the gym. I am hopeful this week. I feel horrible physically today and I doubt I will be doing to much. My class was good and I got a lot of work done regarding music this past weekend. I'm looking forward to the week.

Day 49 - Sunday before day 50

I finish the reading required for my first homework assignment of the evening and realize I don't even know what time it is. The whole day-light savings time has me a bit thrown but excited to see the sun more. I love the long, bright days of summer. I realize I still need to go to the gym and its nearly 10pm. I am glad that I finished my reading first as the online assignment is due by midnight and I would have been stressed to finish it if I had gone to the gym first. I am realizing in order to achieve my 160 day challenge goals, it is imperative that I get up earlier in the day. I have always been a bit of a procrastinator. Its helpful to examine why your putting whatever it is off and decide that its just a silly excuse, because it often just is.
God, or whatever you want to call that great spirit hovering all around us that we don't understand, is definitely messing with me. I mean messing with me in the sense that the old adage "ask and you shall receive" is biting me in the butt. I asked, in a prayer, to guided to what I was "supposed to be doing" and here I am jobless and stressed trying to figure out my life. I'm only 23! My aunt says I don't value jobs. Your darn right I don't value having to work for someone else for the simple necessity of paying bills. Who wants to do something they hate everyday? I do think maybe I'm spoiled in the sense that I am so rich in dreams, thinking there has to be a way out of the rat race for me. My friend Gene applauds my new found freedom, saying he's excited for me to take a leap. Great.
I'm so happy for you my friend. Its depressing feeling rejected for jobs when you feel overqualified isn't it? But, on the other hand I know the answers will come. I feel like God is saying, "you want to work at something you love? Well, hold on it's going to take a minute". And for God a minute could be months, after all Earth was created in 7 days.

Day 48 - Bailing on Your Band Mate Is Like Pouring Out a Delicous Hefe in Front of an Alchoholic

Dude, don't get your band mate all hyped up that your juiced to go learn from her how to book a show, have her put her plans aside, and then bail because you forgot it was your girlfriend's, uncle's birthday you forgot about. That's not cool.
I had a whole plan for my night and I put other responsibility aside to put together an awesome press kit. I am a major perfectionist. At least now that I'm not rushed I can really focus on it.
Absolutely have to get back in the gym tonight too. Its been I think...two weeks. I'm not going to get anywhere like this. I looked at some pictures of when I first started dating my current boyfriend and some recent ones. WOW. I have definitely gained weight. Its funny how at first its only a little bit of gain and then, wham you can't fit into any of your clothes. Even my "fat" jeans are tight! Its very frustrating and motivating at the same time.

Day 46/47 - job interviews

I have made several plans to go and apply for work in WC. Somehow something keeps me up the night before and I don't get up until its too late. For instance its Friday and in restaurant world you can not apply on a weekend. The hiring staff doesn't come in until a few hours before their shift and they are busy. Now I have to wait, again, on Monday. So this time I would have to make it a priority. Up until now I've kind of been floating. I could go check out the local breakfast place down the street. Honestly I know why I'm not trying that hard. I don't want to go back to serving unless I'm going to learn a new skill or become better at an old one. I want to bartend or manage, after four years of serving I want something different. I have almost been hired at three jobs. It's strange to me to not be hired after a single interview since that's what I'm used to. I will admit that I haven't valued my jobs so much. In fact at times I've hated working for someone so much it was definitely obvious I was unhappy. I'm not sure how I got away with it for so long.
I think when I find something now, I will know enough not to put my whole heart into it. I wear my emotions on my sleeve alot and I think that can be a perk or handicap.
I have been neglecting my challenge for the past two weeks. Grandma has been remodeling the bathrooms so me and Shay have been living either partially upstairs or downstairs, going back and forth between rooms. I haven't been in my room to have my chart stare me in the face every day when I wake up. It helps alot to have something to remind you of your goals right in front of you when you wake up.

Day 45 - Regarding Afton Ticketing/Big Time Entertianment

Afton ticketing, formally known as Big Time Entertainment is not a scam. However they will take close to 80% of your profit.
You have to be careful with companies like these because they are only half clear about pay. READ EVERYTHING THEY SEND YOU. Unfortunately they are not doing anything illegal but they are unprofessional. You will not know any details about your show until last minute. Its impossible to get a hold of anyone live and they rely on bands doing all the footwork for their shows. If your a band playing in one of their shows, your basically paying to produce the show. If your ok with doing all the work, not being compensated properly, and you don't mind playing for next to nothing, go for it. Some bands don't mind playing for free, others look at the entertainment industry as a business and expect compensation.

This was an expensive lesson on our part. When I spoke with a lawyer about this whole thing, he was very sympathetic to our situation. Many bands go through this kind of thing. I'm mostly upset with our bassist who got us into this whole mess. I, of course, am the only one dealing with it now. We worked our butts off to sell the necessary 29 tickets to keep the show and we did it in two days. That was $290 we planned on using for the rest of our copyrights, or a monitor for me. The positive side is, we know we can sell 30 tickets at $10 each and get people to drive an hour and half out of their way to see us. That's good. Only getting paid $58.00? Bad. I called my bank and reported the company. What else can I do? I could rent out my own venue and do what they did myself. Hmmmm.....interesting

I think this blog may get an over-haul in the next few days. One section of my post will be devoted to health/workout advice, another to band advice, and the last to looking for work. Maybe that will be more interesting. Although to me all the drama in my life is a good read...like a soap opera where you have to watch daily otherwise you'll have no idea what's going on.

Day 44

Are you serious? I'm still in bed sick. Uh. Oh and that show at the Avalon and that Afton nonsense. Let me tell you, we got the check today and it was a lot less than $290.00. It was $58. You have got to be kidding me. $58.00 for selling 29 tickets at $10.00 each. You know I understand if a show incurs expenses, I mean duh, but boy were they shady about it. I'm going to go over every email they sent Aaron, my bassist and see if maybe he just misunderstood.
I really would like to go to the gym instead of laying here all day doing homework. Its crappy.

day 43

Show went well, a little chaos at the after party and more craziness than normal. Other than all of us being sick last night, it was a killer show. I feel like that all the sweating I did to make it a kick-butt rock show may have helped my cold. I felt like death last night.
I reiterate the point of; thank god for online classes. I finished half of my homework and got it in on time without having to leave the bed today.
I am a little disappointed though because I was planning on hunting down a job today. I may be doing a karaoke gig. Not a lot of money, but it could bring clients for my singing lessons Shay says. I think he has an excellent point.
As far as the gym? I haven't been there in over a week! I know. I think I got sick from not working out and not sleeping, add in one sick boyfriend your kissing equals recipe for what I feel today. I have been eating healthier and I am noticing a difference in my waistline.

Day 42 - lost a couple

I lost half a week on my blog. I'm in bed sick and I have a show tomorrow. Come on Vit C do your job!

Day 39

I love online classes. I mean I can't write an essay, eat ceviche, and have a glass of white wine in a classroom. Well, I could, but I'd have to put the wine in a water bottle like an alche and lord knows that it all wouldn't smell so fabulous.
I woke up feeling crappy, under-the weather.

Day 37 - Monday can be such a big day

I've been waiting all weekend for Monday. It's here and my allergies are saying...ha ha. Ya very funny allergies. I'm grumpy, tired and wish I hadn't watched a scary movie last night.
Today the hunt is on. I will leave mid-afternoon and pursue work in WC. I have a list of to do. I noticed I neglected to put the gym on my list. I better find a way to squeeze that in. Its so easy to say later...I can't stress that enough. If you want to become healthier, stop saying "later".
Last night, I saw a magazine advertising how Kelley Osbourne is "skinny" now. The article boasted revealing diet secrets. The joke is on them. We all already know the secret. The secret is healthy diet and exercise. Two words we've heard a hundred times. Its an understanding of those two words that can change your life forever.

Day 36 - tired

I woke up early and went right back to bed. My lover-bug is sick, and I woke up feeling crappy too. I'm hoping the sleep will fight all this cold-nonsense off. Day 36 and I weigh 183 llbs. I've lost two pounds so far, but I feel stronger. Progress is a beautiful thing.

Day 35 - rough

The workout last night was rough. I have asthma, and my lungs didn't like me for the sudden hard-core attitude. I'm not too sore. I credit that to drinking alot of water. I had to pee literally every hour.
The more I read about food, healthy living, and metabolism, the more it seems daunting. There are chemicals all around us. They effect us in ways we couldn't have imagined. I fear that my generation is in for the worst shock of all. We are all so tech addicted. Its frightening thinking about all the pesticides and genetically altering foods that we ingest without giving it a second thought. DO YOUR RESEARCH, or you might become a research project. I mean it. I'm reading some scary stuff. You think your health is expensive now? Wait until you have some real health problems, then you'll really be crying about costs. Take care of yourselves now. Sure we know these things, like fast foods, are bad for us. But do we know how bad? Its pretty frightening. Oh and those chemicals not only endanger our bodies, making us more susceptible to disease, but make us fat too. Great. Jillian Michaels' book, How to Master Your Metabolism, does a great job of breaking down all these fears into fact.
Anyway, its looking close to getting back to work. Then, once paying bills again, I will focus on the band and my solo career.

Lesson in Leadership

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW8amMCVAJQ
Take 15 seconds and learn something.
If this doesn't make you smile, I'm not sure what's wrong with you. It's a true testament to our nature and it should inspire you to be more of who you are at all times. Watch now.

Day 34 - Don't let anything get in your way

I watched a brief interview online today. The mother of the "overnight" star of the movie Precious is actually a long time performer. She makes a living, supporting her children, from singing in the subway! How about that! And by the way her voice is amazing. Although she describes her journey as a struggle, look how inspirational she is to her daughter. The film has been nominated for over 5 awards and I'm fairly sure the star's mother will no longer have to worry about where the money is going to come from.
It got me thinking, to say the least. I have had a dozen "ideas" about how to promote my band etc, but I have to admit that its easier to stand in front of three other musicians than on your own. When I think of mirroring this mother's success, I think immediately who can I get to go to the nearest Bart station with me. My mind is all over the place. "Steady income" doesn't exist, says my heart, but my brain says "bills, bills, bills". But hey, hold on, what's the worst that could happen if we stop paying our bills. Will they take us to jail? Will they shut off the electricity? Perhaps, but didn't we once live without electricity? Didn't we once live without cell phones? Hasn't there been research suggesting cell phones even cause cancer? I'm not saying become like Emile Hirsch in Into the Wild, but maybe we're all waaaaaaaayyyyyy to stressed by our own demise? It will be ok. Humanity has survived famine, plague, holocausts, stupidity, cruelty, the horrible list goes on and on. We have endured enough to learn new ways to pay our cell phone bills.

Day 33 - The getting up part

I'm not sure what it is. I'm tired, for no real reason other than going to bed late. I feel just out of commission. I'm sick of answering online Craigslist ads for jobs. I'm starting to realize I'm going to need to be aggressive about finding a job I like. I haven't really put much effort into finding work leg work wise. I know that face to face has a lot more impact on the hiring process than online. However if you are contacted via online, obviously you got your foot in the door.
Mostly, I need income right now. I figure finding something part time in the mornings would give me time to book my band. I don't want to get caught up in the serving industry again, meaning more hours = more moolah at a restaurant. I want to just barley be able to pay my bills so I have a reason to hustle for work in entertainment.
The other current concern? My car. Because without transportation I'm potentially really screwed. Almost all of these worries are fueled by lack of income. However, last night a funny thing happened. When I took my BF out for sushi, I realized I should chill. I will be fine, I thought. I am blessed to have a grandmother is understanding enough to let me live rent free for a bit, until I can get on my feet. I have a boyfriend who wouldn't let me go hungry. Yes! It sucks that I will have trouble taking care of myself but worst comes to worst I will find a way! I have always been a survivor. I have always pursued and achieved my goals. Nothing is going to get in the way of that. Nothing.
Lets get into perspective though, shall we? Its day 33. Out of 33 days I have been out of bed before 11 am ...8 days..that's only 24%. Its safe to say I could step that up. I just love sleep, but maybe I would love getting more done in a day. Now out of 33 days I have been to the gym or completed a good workout 11 days out of 33. That's a 33% rate. Okay so I'm only 20% done with my challenge. I have a ways to go and enough time to turn this around.

Day 31 and 32- Slacking on my Macking

Yep. I went over my chart to see if I could deduce the minimal results and I think its pretty obvious. I'm half committed. I don't go to the gym everyday and I'm not counting calories. When your used to eating out and you've never counted calories in your life it can be more of a challenge then you think to lose 30 pounds. I will state the positives however, before this challenge I was paying for a gym I only visited maybe once every month on average. I also drink way more water. I am learning more about my body and health. I am developing an understanding of what it takes to be fit and how my body responds to working out. Gila, my guitarists mother ran up to me at the show the other night and was like "let me feel your legs". I was like "what?", as I laughed when she started feeling me up. "I want to see how firm your getting from your challenge?" I explained how I was frustrated because I had only lost a pound and she said "oh that's how it works". I don't know, it gave me a boost.

Day 29 and 30

The show was awesome last night. I had trouble hearing on stage but so many of our friends and family said it was the best show. Shay was great to have there. He was very supportive and when a sound problem occurred, he was on it. I'm still not sure whats up with this Afton ticketing company. I'm going to investigate and do my best to get out money.

Day 28-Weekend Blues

So I'm sitting here unable to relax, finishing up my taxes and I'm thinking, Gosh What is going on. I have only lost 1 pound so far. I am discouraged about jobs. How can I not be excited about this show tomorrow? I mean, we sold 28 tickets in two days!! Shouldn't I be super juiced about that?! Maybe because this booking company, Afton Ticketing, seems like a joke. They are the ones that Aaron booked the show through. You can't even get a hold of anyone live on the phone. They only answer your questions via email and they are not immediate about answering back. I am frustrated. I think I said that already, but I really am. The real irritation is knowing I can't do anything about work until Monday. Monday, it seems is going to be a long day.
I also have homework to do and I just don't want to do it. Now what? Gym? Why so I can lose one pound in two weeks. I'm def not doing something right.
At least drinking water has become a good habit.

Day 26- the hangover

ok...so the more later I said yesterday...is the more today.....if you feel me....I am not even really coherent at the present moment yet I find myself typing, trying to get my blog done. I woke up dizzy then slept a little more, still dizzy but when I stood up it was all good. I am just very out of it. Strangely, I'm also very angry and irritated over nothing but my boyfriend's presence this morning....lol...poor guy he didn't even do anything. Lately I have just been irritated I guess. I wonder what last night did to my body really. I know I should chill but I'm actually motivated to get stuff done. Weird. You would think today I would want to be lazy. I think because the show was so good yesterday and we've gone from 0 to 18 tickets in two days has me amped.

Day 26- Thurs Promo

Promo show today at Sj State was......awesome, hectic, educational,worth it! I learned some valuable lessons. Every show and venue is different. So every time our band ventures out to do something new, I learn something about the business, performance, and professional side of the music industry. I've learned the questions you ask when you put something together like a gig will make or break the event. For instance, no one at SJ State bothered to mention that even if we had the space reserved until 2pm the cut off time for band music was 1pm. Don't get me wrong the staff was friendly and helpful when we arrived but details that I had not known to ask about, caused some major issues. All in all though...we stopped college kids dead in their tracks. Another half hour we would have had a crowd of 50. We had 25 for our short half hour amphitheater performance. So anywho, I am proud.
Also I am proud of myself. After I got home I was...mostly responsible.....ha ha.....I mean first I did my homework, then I went to the gym. I was happy especially I fit into a workout. Oh and by the way performing professionally and working out are cousins. Ya dig? I am learning you cannot be out of shape and be the lead singer in a regularly performing, up and coming band. You could actually not workout, but you would suck. The amount of energy, breathing, movement, and stamina needed to put on a kick butt show is staggering. I notice to when I work out its easy for me to sing correctly, ie breath deeply from my diaphragm.
Now later......I got all gussied up because it was Chase's birthday today too, and he was having a party over his house. Chase is our band's guitarist. I was feeling pretty confident after the gym. I even recorded a 9 out of10 on my confidence scale that I sometimes list on my chart for this challenge. I like recording how high I feel my confidence is from working out so I can remember how much it improves my mood and self esteem. More later......

25 - ok wow...keep your head up

I did not get unemployment. I did not get hired for the restaurant I recently interviewed for; I was so sure I would. I haven't had a single gig from the Children's Entertainment company I work for. The big show is Sunday and I'm out two promoters for the promo show tomorrow. What will Regina do? I have called 6+ people so far to see if they can, very last minute, come help. I guess worse case scenario we will play our music over a cd player while on breaks and sell tickets in between sets. You know for all the people I know you would think someone wouldn't be busy tomorrow. I should have planned this better, I know. I just think hey I'm not the only member of this band, maybe just maybe, they'll already have thought of this stuff and planned it without me. Errrr wrong. (So very frustrating). Aw stress, how we can't get rid of each other; your addicted to me and I can't get out of feeling you.
What a challenging month mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am about at rock bottom, but that's good because you can only go up from the bottom. Right? Right. I am keeping hope alive and believing in prevailing.
On another note, I keep forgetting to weigh myself in the morning, but I feel thinner. :) Working out will do that to you. It also has taken some of the edge off of all this ridiculous stuff.

Day 24- Time flying

So its a depressing day, but it shouldn't be. Its absolutely gorgeous outside and I have no excitement, at least not enough to propel me back outside again today. I just woke up pissed off. I don't get it. I need to workout earlier I think. I get so depressed when I fuck up a goal. I went to bed to late, I got up to late, missed a class again (!), and it makes me so miserable when that happens. When I work out, I'm happier, hence working out earlier, visa vi getting up earlier. Ok, on paper, or synthesized/internet formatted to look like, paper it sounds simple and easy. Outside of my perfect internet box, I am not living up to the standards that said typist has set.
On another note, the Avalon show is this week and we are getting down to the nitty gritty. Can she do it? Can I get my three stooges and mwah to sell all the tickets we need to in time? Will we play the show? Yes. We will play the show.
Also, I think maybe the depression is from the lack of incoming cash I'm used to. I am down on myself. I am learning that its not so much about the economy as it is about self esteem/confidence. I don't want to go back to serving, and then I decide I need to go back, and then....blah blah blah...its a bunch of self-defeating from there on....
Oh and when did Spring get here? I'm so unprepared for your arrival.

Day 23

I bought that Jillian Michaels book, How to Master Your Metabolism. I just started it. I feel spongy lately, ready to soak up any info I can get to, and I can also share with you. I am a little disappointed though. I'm disappointed because I'm still not sure what my source of income is going to be for the next few months. I was hoping that my tax return would help pay some much pending bills but I may end up owing! How did that happen!? I'm using that H and R Block at Home thing and half way through I realize their website offers it for free. No need to say I was pissed. Oh well, I'll just try to take the software back to Walmart. If I'm stuck with it, then I'm stuck with it and will consider it a learning experience.
So the big Avalon show is this Sunday. I didn't even realize it was this weekend. I better do some moving and shaking to sell these tickets. We have to have at least 25 before Saturday.
Also, today the workout was in my room. 30 minutes of non-stop, heart pumpin', sweatin to Hip-Hop. I may teach a class. :)

Day 22 -

My boyfriend and I have developed a bad habit. We go to bed extremely late and either get very little sleep trying to get up early or sleep in extremely late. Well, I sleep in more so than he does. He's one of those people with an internal alarm. Lucky guy, he can go to bed and be up at 9 am every day if he wants. I'm a little of track with the whole getting up early thing. True I'm hanging in and getting things done but If I had I had a serving job I'm not sure how it would work. I wait up for my boyfriend usually and when he works he's usually not getting home until 1am. Since last night was a holiday, he got home 1:30 am. It takes awhile to wind down from work. What am I going to do when I go back to work? How will I ever get on a steady schedule. My boyfriend said something to me a few days ago about flying by the seat of my pants and expecting him to catch me if I should fall. I guess the pressure I put on myself is also on him?

Day 20 n 21 - When will I workout?

I know what I must do. I cannot worry, as if the worrying will take care of the feeling of inaction. Action will cure the fears caused by inaction. I have been saying I need to lose the weight. Why? Because it will change the way I feel about myself. It will erase my self doubt. It will prove I can accomplish anything, and from there I move forward. I will not think, "Well, will the what if, the rejection feel so bad I don't want to"....do anything. This, is what insecurity feels like; I need to do this, but how will I be looked at if I do so? Is looking bad worth it?.....Often it is worth it, to go and try.
Thank God that I have confidence and a lot of stubbornness. You can be insecure while having confidence. Your saying, "That's an oxymoron." Yes, I suppose it is an oxymoron. The very word insecurity hints that its' victim lacks confidence. Is it cockiness I'm referring to then? Whatever Adverb/adjective you would like to use, the point is that for me my weight has always, in my mind, held me back. It has created a sense of shyness where there needn't be one. Those who know me would hardly call me shy though. There is something that people who feel this insecurity often do; they learn to balance overcompensation between normality as they view it, and how they are actually feeling.
I let a bout of soreness shake me for two weeks now. I am hitting rock bottom. I have realized what I must do. I must stop stressing out, take the bar/restaurant job and dare it to define me, because I will not have it. While I take 10% from my earnings to pay myself first, something I know I should have always done but haven't, I will workout and achieve personal satisfaction. I will sing and act, and seek mentors and teachers, not being afraid of their criticism or rejections. I will define my life this way. I will treat myself to things while being allowed the privilege of cheap rent at my grandmothers, but I will also save. I will be conscientious but not worried. I will take a problem by the balls and dare it to deal with me. I will be damned if someone takes this revelation's driving spirit from me because if I allow that to happen, I will never be happy.

Day 18- We're recording today

A busy month, a show on SJ campus 2/18/10 provided weather is good because its outdoors, recording today at LMC, Possible Valentines show pending negotiation today, 2/21/10 at the Avalon (still selling tickets), and a meeting coming up regarding a show in Somersville mall in Antioch. Everything is topsy-turvy for me. Every time I feel like I have a clear direction I get lost again.

Day 17

I don't like calorie counting but its essential to understanding weight loss isn't it? I weighed 185 llbs when I started, yet I looked at the scale and can't decide if maybe I read it wrong day 1. Today its says 185, three days ago it said 183. It seems like there's so much to remember to do though. Write down what you eat, weigh in the morning, 1st thing in the morning, only in the morning, drink more water than you ever have, don't forget to drink water, don't forget to write down your calorie consumption, oh, and did you go to gym yet?; Go to the gym now, maybe later...no, now. See its not a lot of fun changing your habits. I watched Jerry McGuire last night (which was great by the way), and one of the characters mentioned something about chemical, brain wave activity being so ingrained that change was almost impossible. True, its a movie, but change is hard. For cryin' out loud, they say it takes 21 days to change ONE habit. One. Well here goes 21 days and if I get as sore as the "Vicodin" day again....well I better just suck it up....as they say.

Day 16

Nothing to report really. Well that's not true at all. Its so funny how we let a bad day influence so heavily or the fear of a bad day. That doesn't really make much sense as I had a great day, I interviewed for a company. My mission statement for this blog was to find a job I love, be a weight I love and increase my happiness meter by, well a lot of points. I have discovered what is said and what is done is all we have in life. I repeat; what I say and do is all I really have. You can't really own any material item on this planet can you? Let us honestly acknowledge the planet is not ours but a rental until the universe decides to evict us and watch hundreds of human beings go white. This is a global economy they say. It was always a global place. It was us that decided to divide each other up into classes, colors, and condos (all of proportionate size regarding income). I was thinking of my dream house yesterday. Is it better to covet land or things? Big screen tv's, jacuzzi's, or ocean view, private gardens, both are obscenely priced. Who owns the keys to these gates? People like you and me that hustled a little more. That is my rant for the day.

Falling off the wagon (day 15)

It has been 8 days since I've worked out. I'm not sure if I should start over or just keep going. I will be going to the gym before class today. I also realize that if I don't get up earlier in the day I don't plan my day as well. I spent most of this past week stressing about band stuff. More and more I realize that the band members stress me out more than the actual band work. I may have to seek to remedy that situation one way or another. I love my band though, despite that some of my closest friends have given me advice to go solo. I don't feel ready for that. My confidence regarding a solo career is their but buried under past hurts and fears. This self-perpetuated challenge is meant to attack that. What I really need to do, in addition to the getting up early, working out, finding a job, etc; is to sit down and figure out my focuses this month. I will have to draw up that plan soon, before I get way off of the course. Wish me luck getting back to the task at hand today. The last time I challenged myself in the gym in challenged me into a depression for 8 days. I will assure myself now, that it will not happen again.

re; day 11

Yesterday was my boyfriend's day. We make sure to commit one day a week to each other as we both can be overwhelmingly busy. I had only heard of the Black Diamond Mines Regional Park and had a very vague idea of where it is. We stumbled upon it and wow, what a change from being in town. I absolutely can't stand Antioch, sorry its not my kind of place. Its a great place to get into trouble because there is really nothing to do as far as culture. You can imagine how many times my band has played around the local scene here.
We hiked, walked, jogged all around this amazing preserve. It was a breath of fresh air I could not have lived without. I am counting that as a workout. However my eating habits....well.....after my weigh in at the end of week one, I was discouraged. I plan on getting back to the gym and 1200 calories tomorrow. Still a ways to go.

Day 10 - Vicodin

Texted a friend/workout buddy that said even though your abs are on fire every time you move and you had to take a friggin Vicodin for pain this morning you can still do Cardio. So guess what I have to go do.... Yep, get into the gym tonight. Crap, thought I might actually get out of it.
Aside from the weight loss portion of my competition, me the only contender, the hunter/gatherer in me is overwhelmed. It seems like I'm never done with Craigslist, constantly looking for opportunities to sell myself, my band or my clients' talents. I'm the best juggler in Antioch I bet you.

Day 9

Well, I overslept and then I overslept some more. I asked my boyfriend to wake me up when he got back but he was behind too. Noon and I'm up. 8:30 is when the alarm was set for. Lost a few hours and I had this horrible dream. The dream was about Cheesecake Factory and it put enough fear back into me about that place to never want to wait tables again. I'm stuck between making enough to live comfortably and going for the dream at this point. Today is my unemployment interview. Aside from scouring Craigslist for jobs I'm interested in, I haven't the foggiest. I'm about to finish a two year sound engineering program and I hardly feel qualified to work in a studio. I have my own studio but its nothing like the few, the proud, and the still in business studios in the bay area. Do I have to spend thousands to get ahead? Wouldn't that being buying into everything that the wealthy of this country has sold us? Lets separate the wheat from the chaff shall we?

Day 8 Watch out Grammy's here I come

I have already hit a bump in the work out road. Its becoming harder to go, at least today its harder. I noticed that its been harder primarily when the weekend started. I think the reason is that there's so much to get done during the week and it feels more natural to go to the gym when your out. Since I'm used to my weekends being jam packed with work, I feel lazier now that I have nothing to do. Well besides homework, which does not sound fun right now.
I'm back from the gym. It was a late work out and it kicked my butt. It was fabulous! I did a two hour session this time, included abs, and thighs in addition to cardio. Drinking more water is a pain! Holy cow, I'm so un-camel like! I have to pee like an old lady. I'm not used to it. Hey, I'll try anything though at this point. That's what this challenge is really about seeing what I can learn. Day 8 and I've been filling you in about things I'd heard of and never really known what they were. How are you doing? Are you inspired yet world? You will be. Big day tomorrow. Stay tuned

We went out last night, so I slept in and it felt good. Maybe I overslept since I'm still tired? School is such a pain lately. It was so much more fun when I took only classes I was interested in. Why do I need a degree again? Is it to prove to others how capable I am? Does that even matter? I don't think so in the grand scheme of things. I feel like I was the schmo who was sold a piece of the Brooklyn Bridge (if you're familiar with the saying you get what I mean).
Fast food is evil. I have decided it is pure unadulterated evil. It sucks you in at 2 am, saying your hungry, why not, and we're all that's open. Sugar and salt calls my name around every grocery store corner. You can't go out to a restaurant and expect to be healthy anymore, unless somehow they cater to your need to be that way. Food for thought. "What is all this hoopla with drinking water, water and more water when losing weight?" I wondered. You always hear this but I certainly didn't know exactly what the science was. I mean ya, duh we need water but....

• According to weightlossforall.com "Water makes your metabolism burn calories 3% faster."
• Some people mistake water cravings, a drop in hydration for food cravings
• Helps prevent over-eating
• Modern processed food contain little water
  
• A good rule regarding water; drink one ounce of water for every 2 pounds. Ex. If a person weighs 200llbs and they're trying to lose weight they should drink 100 ounces of water to gain increased energy and metabolism. Many of the functions of our bodies processes rely on water!
• If your exercising drink water before, during and after workouts. Drinking water is necessary for the recovery process and provides the energy you need to push through that work out.
• Water can also help reduce blood pressure, risk for some cancers, high cholesterol, and ease joint pain. It can improve the skin, healthy digestion, and increase metabolism